Wednesday, December 14, 2005

The feeling of a sense of lack

the silence is killing me. In my head i can't seem to notch up the points. The sense of lack is back.

Everyone seems to have a verbose way of putting things on thier space, it feels warm and fuzzy, like you can feel the clack of the keys, feel what they're feeling. They speak like they're sitting across from you, they feel so close, so personal.

they're trips, they're words, they're emotions. It's all there, spilled. My visits to different pages of personal, make me think so much about mine.

Tis the sense of lack again. Knocking.

Most the time, the sense of lack is masked inside, in a boorish statement, in a negated part of my psyche. Y'know?

I haven't heard from my Big brotha in a while. Don't know if he's out travelling, or in a different part of the world with no access to cyberspace. Tis is the sense of lack again. I wonder if he's miffed, last i checked, he was there. I miss him.

My lil brothas are missing too. Don't where they are - i guess all of this is a collective pile up. of the sense of lack i mean. There's no communication. None of it. Where are you sista? You missing too....

Sigh.

It's been a week. Officially, new job and all. Tis good. I like it. So far.
But my sense of lack now permeates into a different part of me. I'm allowing it to access a very protected place, and i know that i will need to do something drastic to snap out of it. Where are the friends i was promised, the glittering social life, the people to meet, the time to spend doing sweet nothings? WHERE?!

Suggestions for drastic, please.

Someone....anyone?

2 comments:

gadarene said...

hey Sis,
what gives??...y'know the goings-on this end...actually net connection was on the blink for a few days...plus Dad...hmmm...work's been equally hectic despite them being nice enough to give me time off for Dad...more on that in your mail box...issue at hand...it's all in the mind...you've been there a week now...giving platonic (or other :)...) relationships/social life/time for sweet nothings might not be asking for too much...plus all said & done...reality bites...it IS the mid-east at the end of the day...if you're expecting London/NYC forget about it...it only appears that way in the on p3 of the city times & in the What's On mag...that's the lot living in a social bubble they've come to define as Dubai...far removed from ground reality...question...what is it you want??...

Meg said...

Well, actually (sheepish grin), a lil attention, tha's all!
Well, i was beginning to wonder if you'd show - finally! I kind of pictured myself like a an old women dressed in scarves and heavy skirts, pretty beads dangling from her hands, crying out "someone, anyone?!"

But seriously, i hope moncha is fine, like i said in me logs, it took sometime for that piece of news to seep in. Praying for all of ya. Will call today/tmrw.

What do i want? Ideally all of you shacked up with me in Dubbie, martinis/margaritas on the house, and some great music. It would have been soooo swell. But yeah, this is the mid-east, where the blinding night lights, makes you stumble in here, and then they all go out. together. Hmpph.

i do manage an average of a movie a week though...alone, with dad. But it helps.

I'm just happy to see you back online.

Muah!