Don't you hate it when that happens?
I never really had the privilege like the few I term 'blessed' to know where exactly I was headed until a few months (almost a year, but not quite) ago. It takes a lot of gut (and I mean a lot) if you aren't from the genre of the former 'blessed' category to actually acknowledge it and make a run for the unexpected, new and unfamiliar with a vague notion that the only thing that's driving you there is passion.
It's a tricky word this passion. It's fuelled by so many other aspects from your core. Impulse, worry, energy, intensity, love, hate, danger...
My passion latently snuggled under tonnes of insecurity blankets, jostling to get out. I do believe it has made its way past all of them. Cause I honestly am rearing to go.
My elation knew no bounds when my passion ran out into the clear and soaked in long missed sunshine and I suddenly had a clearer vision of where I needed to go...Passion had run along ahead of me and was pointing excitedly to the path, I had walked alongside for quite awhile.
So now, I'm on this path. Now, the things passion isn't prepared for and doesn't see coming are the curve balls that time throws at you. Whoo! Boy, do they hurt! However, I must admit that it's easily internalised simply because you now know you're on your way to something. It's scary, don't get me wrong. There are lot of fears you must face. Your passion has no fear. Your spatial skills and sense of reality do. It's a potent blend of elation, excitement, fright and disbelief (that you're actually doing this, that you've come this far AND that you're ACTUALLY going to DO this!).
I've been thrown 3 curve balls as of the 8th of January 2007. One is extremely interesting. The others are...well...let's just say manageable. You have a problem when the curve ball is interesting, because the natural urge to duck and slam it out of the way is quashed almost immediately. You're now standing and looking at this situation with a amusing, quizzical expression on your face. You don't know where this going, but you still want to find out anyway. You know?
But passion has it's ways of drawing you back...to remind where you are headed - and that it wasn't easy to have found it in the first place. A wise man once said that, "there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy'. I humbly accept that.
Right now I'm taking tentative steps forward, I've got this problem of backward glancing (I'm working on this as we speak and I have to say I've made progress), which I hope to channel into a more efficient trait. Going down memory lane is one thing. Spaz-ing out at the moment I'm supposed to be grabbing every opportunity is another.
:) Oh fear not! Honestly, I'm fine. Passion and I talk about it, we balance it and figure out where I need to cut the fat, and sometimes, it sits down munches on something and says it'll wait. But not too long, y'know?
Passion passes...like time it waits for no one. It's your business to keep up. Anything or anyone that can't...well...I gotta run!