It's funny how you think you'd like to be young again. You go through life wondering when you'd beat the height and maturity levels that kept you from doing the things you want to do and then BAM! it happens - and you're not so kicked about being where you are and what you're doing. True, you do come to terms with your so called success - everyone's measring it for you - diligently, i might add - and it's hard to miss the analysis. It's constantly being thrown in your face.
You read everything - it's about you and you're fine print and well...you realize - and it's late mind you - that you're out of it from the start. You've never been in control and most of the time - it's just someone else pronging you in the behind and making you make a run for it. Yup -that's pretty much it. There are a few people you manage to see through your blinkers - and they do inspire some awe. They're happy where they are, making the moolah and chewing at a steeady pace that makes you drool.
So, you turn your tortured neck trying to get a bit of the sunshine and if God sees your pain - on his coffee break - the yoke snaps and you're free. It doesn't happen usually - it's the rare dream that yanks you back to your plodding.
It's not that i'm such a wet blanket to life you know - one never gives up hope. And however old school, cliche, and how 'oh nevermind' it may sound - that's the only thing that keeps anyone going.
Yeah, i've got hopes! Right now i'm 2 and half years out of a masters degree in Media and Communication and you think when you get your leather bound degree that, 'YES, this is it. I'm going to change the world and my world and your world and...' The stupidity of it all sinks in then. Here i am in a system that writhes inside another one. And the only time it's going to change is when someone who owns one these gazillion systems decides that he or she's bored and it's time for a change. Those who welcome it are pioneers - group founders who get their portraits hung up in the most prestigious locations of their own mind.
I'd like to be a system owner - that way my portrait gets a piece of the pie too, i'd really like that. Like, WOW. And so to my whims and fancies i would sit and change the system as and when i please, applause and glory for the slight change is all mine - while below me a percentage roar in approval and the others with nothing but compliance as their option plod along with it.
It's pretty slow at the office today - no one's in. It's pretty quiet. Mom's having some of her shrieky friends over for lunch - so i can't even go home for a nap to forget this drudge. No i don't live with my parents, but they do come over once in a couple of years and yes they take over my house and life and pretty much everything else. Hence the lunch - and hence me at work - blogging.
I tried blogging a couple of times before this - i thought it was a cool way to let people know my insanely intelligent thoughts and take on life. Hmph - who was i kidding - the entire world thought about the same thing (imagine that!). And before i knew it there were thousands of people who had stolen all my favourite blog names, addresses, and what do you know - my thoughts as well. So much for my claim to fame.
I'm stuck in a rut right now, i've just come out fresh from an abusive argument with my mother and i've just about dampened whatever zest i had left for the rest of the month. This happens to be my favourite - December. We don't get snow, and the streets don't light up with Christmas deco - but it's the feeling - and that's great. And oh! i shouldn't forget cable television from the rest of world that beams in lovely pictures of the season on my telly.
Why am i here today with a brand new page and template? Well, i thought why the hell not? Let me share my insipid thinker tape with the rest of the who and be done with it. Who knows if there is someone out there, who has a solution? And hey i may be really cheerful in one of my next posts. Like i said - one never gives up hope...