Tuesday, January 29, 2008

2008

My annual vacation turned out to be an eye-opener of sorts. I say 'of sorts' because the variety of ways my eyes were opened, pale in comparison to last year. :)

Sad. I know. However, i choose to stick to this ironic poke at humour because i am resolved to look at things differently, with a lighter air. Verily I say unto you - it takes bloody effort.

I had candid conversations with my parents (don't we all), witnessed the tragic downfall of family, saw the union of two new ones, and managed to extricate myself from both tricky situations that only annual reunions can conjure within a span of fifteen minutes.

It is with a heavy yet happy heart that i inform you that close people are now strangers and people from far are now familiar. It this precarious balance that i most enjoy; other examples include the universe.

Candid conversations helped open several cans of worms, which i spliced, forked and cut into tiny little bits. There was a lot of jus. Yes both.

I came away from my experience,thoroughly roughed up, scratched and smarting. However, my eyes were shining from the revelation. I looked like a crazy prophet with news only i could rejoice and sorrow with.

Everyone else looked worried. Including the co-passengers on the flight back home. Business class loyals will be pleased to note i ditched in-flight entertainment and slept. Deep. I did wake up for nosh. Terribly sorry.

My mother refuses to speak to ME. I say this not because she won't speak. She just won't speak to the ME. She refuses to acknowledge that i no longer exist as her child but as a woman who once was her daughter.

Titles remain, persons do not.

I believe i will forever be a little girl to my mother. As my child will always remain mine. Even when s/he goes on to write his/her own destiny. Chemical bonding is complex, and therefore i won't grudge her her indulgence.

My father is still profound. I believe i would have loved him less, if he weren't... That is excessive. I love him without borders. But. I do love that he is profound.

And in his profoundness, he accepted the news from my life, he solemnly listened and nodded into emptiness, contemplating everything i said. To be fair, all of my propositions were tinged with emotion.

And his profoundness tinged with trepidation. Believe me - being a profound, thinking mallu (malayalee to the unitiated) man is a challenge. My father, isn't one to back down...but he isn't one to NOT acknowledge that trouble is afoot either.

With this knowledge, he proceeded to explain his take on the matter, and we both decided that it would be best to proceed without indulging into a search for a happy round of applause but stopping to take pride that an independent decision had been taken.

The agenda of course thereafter was to swiftly move on. And get with it. Any sort of selling oneself short hereafter would not be tolerated or forgiven.

At this point you may ask me what exactly the announcement was. Well, it is a pastiche of both serious and frivolous. One was that i was now to foray into the world that i have begun to operate in independently and choose my own partner and the other was that i am quite close to closing the deal.

It was not met with enthusiastic response from my mother. Everyone who knows my good mother can only paint a partial (but colourful) juxtapose of her constitution, should news of such outright callousness be shared.

Such is the magnitude of the one and only Emily Sarah Abraham. Grand innit?

Oh she's grand - she defines the word and more. To the point where i am silently in awe. And yet i cringe, for i can never ever find my self asipring to be what she is.

I have far grander aspirations...it's the genes...what can i say?

Coming back to the matter at hand. I have finally managed to communicate a semblance of my plans. I have also, in my own way of trickling information, let others know.

But i have not really taken it upon myself to announce anything. You may ask why.

The pure reason that drives that decision is a simple belief that i am presently in the throes of what one can call...hmmm...self reflection. I believe my proposed significant other is also in this present point. And we both in our reverie(s) are allowing our close circles to stew uncomfortably in the very same situation.

It isn't simple. The statement of it, may very well be. But in no way, is this current situation any less baffling than the eternal mystery that is choice. Each turn presents itself with a cause and effect.

Eliot (TS) got right. It is a cocktail party.

We are not at a fork. We are at a gyre. Shite.

It is the contemplation of the endless spiralling that we are presently stopped at. The journey, no doubt, will have to continue.

I wait with bated breath and a feeling of unbelievable high - i tend to be crazily happy before such a situation that is few and far in between. And therefore the relish.

You do agree?

I close with a promise of more. Until then...I wish you a good 2008.

3 comments:

Vijay m said...

" ......YOUR HEART IS FREE, HAVE THE COURAGE TO FOLLOW IT"

:)

gadarene said...

hey Sis...iknowiknow 'tis been yonks but i know you know it's with good reason...i haven't been here in a while(for the same reasons as above :)...) but have just caught up...'stewing uncomfortably' would be apt yes :) but honestly as long as you're truly happy,the rest of the world can catch a bus & i mean EVERYBODY...:) take it easy...longish 'un in your mailbox soon...

Meg said...

It feels good to know we're spiritually joined at the hip bro...man! Just hours ago i'm asking your significant other about you and how things were (silently cringing that i haven't written, updated or shared) and bham! your comment hits me like welcome ton of bricks!

I Love You.
: )
longish 'un right back at ya this weekend!