Monday, September 05, 2005

Reaching out

It's not every day, really. I mean think about it, here we are, most of the time existing in our own bubble wondering if we'll ever really, reach out and touch something meaningful in our lives, and sometimes life gets in the eay, yeah? So here we are in a state of limbo, my online radio stations refuse to cough up the music in one straight unadulterated speed, and between the bursts of music, i wax eloqunt, and continue with my white ear phones, stuck in my ears, with no music, but the 'ding' and 'blimp' of error messages, and other prescheduled tasks interupting me, on and off.

Recently, after the 2 and half months of sadness, and regret of coming to Dubai, i turned to a spirutual soloce that ironically one only finds when you're in the lowest low, and highest breach of sanity. I won't say that i was extremely jobless, i wasn't. employment, isn't the only way of keeping yourself occupied, and interestingly, i had lots to do, i could have wailed, bemoaned my fate, made life difficult for the people around me, but i chose to slump into solitude, and find a peice of myself i hardly knew. Now, before you think this is my testimony, i'd like to object and say that truthfully, it's not. I'm not about to go start a revolutionary, done to death DIY of how to find nirvana.

In essence i haven't found that, but i have found peace and a working knowledge of what exactly we should sweat it out for. And what matters. I haven't seen my brother in such a long time. And there are so many reasons why he broke off ties to start osmething on his own. He snapped. Nothing wrong about it, but why it happened, is serious. Reaching out is my way of telling him i care, telling him that i'm sorry that i've been so pushy and that i won't treat him like a child ever again. There are somethings people have the guts to do, that everyone was born to achieve and staying away from it is the only wrong you could do to yourself. Now, i am not in anyway, promoting one of those lose your control policies. But the journey you take, is a lonely one. You meet, greet, compete and co-exist with people along the way, and then you move on. But the ones that last are the ones you keep reaching out to.

My brother is the one who lasts, for me. He's a reason why i believe in miracles, in self sufficiency, in turning around the bad for the good. And so launched a blog. for him. In hope that sometime when he's surfing the web looking for posts, jobs or mails, he will go to this page, to see the things that have and are happening in his family, to make sure he comes back with the knowledge that he didn't miss out on anything, but is a part of it, even if he was far away. I know he'll be back with us, very soon. And that he'll want to come back and that we'll want to go to him as well. And so the love endures and that my friends is the true essence, no matter how swank, hip, or heartless you term yourself to be.



the transient twilight said...

I dont know what nirvana is- but it surely is somehting of the sort you seek to experience; i felt u getting a feel of nirvana.

Meg said...

the transient twilight,
Solitude can be a doubled edged sword. It's like being in rehab, and although you're in it for the right reasons, you can get lost in it. Somehow, life's rush hour can help you pull out and take a whiff of company, and then a balance is achieved. Not yet Nirvana yet, but definitely on the path. How's your journey? Cheers!